Make a Difference!

com-mu-ni-ty

kəˈmyo͞onitē/

noun

1. A feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.

friend-ship

ˈfrendˌSHip/

noun

1. The emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends.

synonyms: relationship, attachment, association, bond, tie, link, union

1. • noun

Tomorrow at this time (if everything goes as planned), I'll be waking up in the Hamilton General recovery room, most likely slightly dazed and confused, but nonetheless...TUMOR FREE!  I definitely had my doubts about sharing my story but after a lot of skepticism and some coaxing, I am SO  glad that I did.  Since starting my blog, I have received an overwhelming response from friends (old and new) and family, I have been reached out to by complete strangers who have similar stories of their own or who just want to send well wishes, I have been cheered on by co-workers, and most of all, I have gained an entirely new sense of friendship and community. It has taken something like this to open my eyes to all the love, support, and generosity that surrounds me every single day!

So, here I sit in my hotel room with weird Cheerios stuck all over my face and neck in preparation for surgery, eagerly awaiting 6am tomorrow morning, looking at all the Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter shoutouts I've gotten today alone, and feeling like one lucky girl!

I spoke with a friend last night who has recently undergone some struggles of his own; after hearing his story and being unable to fathom his hardships, I took note of his incredible ability to hold his head high and continue radiating positivity.  He said something to me that I wanted to share: 

"I think this part of our lives is important; how we evade it, how we succumb to it, how we deal with it, and how we transcend it".

He was absolutely right in saying so.  All of your experiences (especially the hardest ones) become a part of who you are and how you choose to react to them makes all the difference in the world!  

Ever since I was little, before every basketball game, my Dad would tell me to make a difference; I've since decided to stop playing ball based on the fact that my motivation to go to practice, on a scale from 1 to 10, fell somewhere in the negatives, but I continue to tell my Dad to make a difference every Tuesday night before he hits the ice to defend the net for his Oldtimer hockey team.  Now, each one of you has made a difference to me if even just by reading this, and if I have in any way inspired just one person to stay positive through tough times then I have done my job!  I now want to share the same advice with you. Strive to make a difference in everything you do and I promise it won't go unnoticed!    

As it may be evident by the jumbled structure of this blog, there are so many things I want to say...so many stories I want to share, but with the chaos that is my brain right now (in both the physical and mental sense) it's hard to organize my thoughts, but I'll leave you with a few 'Janeisms' that you can look back on when life kicks you around:

• ALWAYS strive to make a difference
• ALWAYS keep your head up
• LIVE everyday as if it's your last 
• LOVE unconditionally 
• CHERISH everyone and everything you've got 
• NEVER take life for granted

I can't wait to fill you all in and get back at it once this is all said and done. Take a good look ya'll; this may be the last time you see me with a full head of hair (and less noticeably, a tumor)!! Catch ya on the flip side.

Over & Out ;)

xox

The Ups and Downs of Being Bald

Based on a recent (American) study done by Stanford University's Cancer institute, more than 196,000 people in the United States are diagnosed with a new brain tumor every year.  Seventy-five percent of those tumors are benign (not cancerous), the other twenty-five percent are malignant...I am EXTREMELY fortunate to be a part of the seventy-five percent that is not battling a cancerous tumor.  

Although I probably won't have to endure radiation, I am still having an operation to have the beast removed (or at least as much of it as possible).  Based on the size of the tumor, the operation will consist of the surgeon making a fairly large incision in my head, (and if you haven't already put it together from the title of this blog) this will result in me having an awkward shaped bald spot on the top of my head.  Because of the location of the tumor, this isn't something I will be able to cover with ease...so, as much as I would love to channel my inner pop star, it's just not going to work that way.  

Ellie Goulding

Ke$ha

Rihanna

After coming to the conclusion that my new 'haircut' isn't exactly going to be a stylish one, I've decided to say goodbye to my luscious locks completely (this will come after the operation).  When shaving my head comes up in conversation, there's no doubt that it freaks people out; I've always been one to have long hair and the change will be drastic, bar none.  It has even seemed that some people are more concerned about how I'm going to cope with having no hair than with the actual tumor.  With this being said, I realize that now is no time to be vain, and I can't stress enough how lucky I am that my hair will be all I lose through this journey; my health is leaps and bounds above my aesthetics on the priority list!! 

After many a conversation, I've put together a list of 'pros & cons' based solely on things my friends and family have said. Here it goes...

 CONS

-This is going to take a long time to get used to, so I may have a hard time looking in the mirror for a while. (I'm not sure how I'll spend my free time now...)

-It's going to seem A LOT colder than usual. (This is disconcerting considering my body temperatures are already that of a cold blooded reptile)

-I'm going to realize that the shape of my head, which I've always thought to be pretty normal, probably resembles the topography of Sri Lanka (or some other place that has a lot of hills and valleys).

-I'll probably resemble my brothers more than I would ever actually want to (no offense, guys..you really are great looking people)

PROS

-"If she can do it, so can you"

This was sent to me by a friend; although this picture is clearly photo shopped, and I've seen Jennifer Aniston look better, his heart was in the right place.

-There are all sorts of new hairstyles I can try once it starts to grow back
(below are some of the ideas suggested by friends)

-I'll look like Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta (wishful thinking, but we have the same beauty mark on our left cheek, and she ROCKS the shaved head).

-It will take me significantly less time to get ready and it'll be super low maintenance. (At first, at least)

AND

-I can finally be friends with Mother Nature without worrying how her shenanigans will affect the well-being of my hair. 

Overall, the optimist in me says that the pros definitely outweigh the cons, but like any situation, the cons are still going to exist; So, in the wise words of Jay-Z, "take the good with the bad, don't throw the baby out with the bath water".  

My Meninges

In 2013, I laughed until my stomach was sore, I danced until I couldn't feel my feet, I drank until threw up (don't  judge, I know you've been there), I rekindled friendships and started new ones, and I learned a lot about myself…but like any other year, it had some low points.

One day, late July, I had planned to meet some friends at a Jays game; after about an hour of driving through typical rush hour traffic, I found myself sitting on the side of the Gardiner Expressway sporting my brand new Jays shirt, watching a road crew clean up the ruins of the accident that had  just left my poor Chevy Malibu smooshed against the guard rail, and waiting for the emergency vehicles to arrive at the scene.  Luckily, the 3-car demolition derby didn't cause any physical damage to the people involved, so as always, Super Dad was there in a flash to rescue me (despite the interruption to his afternoon golf game). Needless to say, I missed the game.

The next day, I went to the hospital with shooting pains in my neck and was told  that I had whiplash and inflammation in my neck.  After lots of physio and massage therapy, my headaches (thought to be from the inflammation) were not going  away, so, back to the doctor I went.  A CT scan was scheduled and the doc sent me off with the encouraging words "I'm sure they won't find anything, it's just precautionary", to which my brothers agreed, that there probably wasn't anything up there at all.  Little did I know, that CT scan was not only going to reveal that I do indeed have a brain, but that there was even more to it than I bargained for...Bonus!

On September 6th (Momma Nagtzaam's birthday and the day after my CT scan), I was called into my doctor's office and advised to bring someone with me…too stubborn to recruit supporters, I went alone…

That day I was diagnosed with a Meningioma brain tumour on the outer meningeal layer of my left parietal lobe (or, in layman's terms: a slow growing, benign tumour on the membrane surrounding my brain, pressing against the area that controls visual perception, speech, spatial orientation, information processing, pain and touch sensations, and basically all the motor functions of the right side of my body).  After getting the news, I was shaken, like any normal person would be, and it quickly became clear why the receptionist had told me to bring someone along.  Luckily for me, my best friend rose up to the title and was immediately by my side.

Since that day, there continues to be ongoing research on my diagnosis (by myself, friends, and family).  Of course there were many tears shed and difficult conversations had, but with my friends and family, it wasn't long before the comic relief set in.  The Kindergarten Cop references are ever-flowing; cue your best Arnold Schwarzenegger impression...

I try to use it as an excuse for my selective hearing, or my failure to remember to do something I  was asked (yes, being 23 & living with my parents  means I'm still doing chores) "sorry I forgot to do the dishes…my tumour must be affecting my memory", or "don't yell at me, I have a tumour!" although, it rarely  gets me off the hook.

But all jokes aside, my diagnosis hasn't been all bad; it's made me realize how lucky l am to be surrounded by such amazing people. The overwhelming support and love I receive on a daily basis is absolutely inspiring. I've learned that a positive light can be shone on even the darkest of situations, if you let it.

So, my unsolicited advice to you is, SMILE!  Be thankful for your loved ones, your health, your life in general. Things could ALWAYS be worse!